(a 5 minute read) Is this is a self-admission? Yes. Then it is a self-incrimination!……. Yes. As bad as this may sound, I believe it has to start with me, the man in the mirror. My hope is to encourage other men to come forth, for everything else is just placing a Band-Aid on a three inch deep wound in your gut spewing filthy stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, if it isn’t for the courage of the women coming forth with their stories of men groping them, I’d remain a closet groper. The; Whom? How often? Are you still doing it? are all distractions. There is only one question; Have you? Do you?

What man out there, including myself, has not taken a second glance at a woman!? Hold on, ‘has taken a glance’ makes it sound like I do not do it anymore…….. bull crap, right?

So yes, I grope with my eyes. Ewwww….. is your reaction of course.

My sincere apologies for disappointing you; but are you truly surprised? Do you actually believe that there is a man out there; your husband, your brother, your pastor, your son, your father that does not or has not done that? Come on now…………..  This is not in any way, shape or form makes it OK, it just needs to be on the record.

So why the self-confession and incrimination? Because it is the only way I know how to come along side my valiant sisters, if you’d allow me to call you that, fighting an incredulous army we call ‘society’. This world we live in, of deny, deny, deny or at best admit but justify or sugarcoat, needs to stop. This is my attempt as a perpetrator to pull out from perpetrating. Like a drug addict that feels that one of the ways to stay clean is to actually tend to those afflicted.

People; you and I know that this objectification is a learnt behavior. Moms and dads, educators and preachers, friends, peers and culture, they all fuel it. Yes, they fuel it, either by adding wood to the fire or by allowing the fire to burn without dousing it with water. Those adding wood to the fire, in my humble opinion, are the minority, but those looking the other way are mostly you and me. It is you and me that can and should make a difference.

Have you ever tried to cut a tough piece of meat with just a fork? Well, that’s what’s happening today. These brave women coming forth with their stories are using a fork to attack this problem. They’re courageous, they’re strong, they’re daring and bold. Men, you and me, possess a knife that we can hand over to our sisters to make their task just a bit easier.

That knife is  #Igrope   as Self Admission has to come first. Without self-admission, change is allusive. It’ll take 100 years probably for this change to actually become reality, but we gotta start somewhere. Here are some steps to carry out, steps that you already know;

1.    #Igrope      self-admission.
2. Every time I want to take the second glance, a little voice in my head should be on automatic, “want someone to look at your daughter/sister as such!?”
   That better be a good deterrent.
3. When one man snickers and tells the other, “look at that……..” the other man, me, should not feel pressured to partake, rather should say something like, “come on man, that’s not cool. Show some respect, this is your sister/daughter.” These are words said kindly and not with judgement. Kind will possibly create a thought, a thought may lead to examination, and examination could cause a change in action. Judgement creates resentment and zero chance of changed behavior.
4. Moms and dads, Educators and preachers be diligent against objectification.
5. Peers and culture, ooohh peers and culture………… hope change although slow, is surely to happen.
6. I hear women can objectify men as well. I do not have experience here, so all I can say is let’s be aware of it.

As I said, these are steps that you, yes you, already know so well. So what’s left? What are we waiting for?

Let’s begin…… Let’s apply….. Come on………. You Got This 🙂  Let’s just start with the first step……….

Commit to the first step and do not do it as an emotional response. Consider, think, decide and act accordingly.

My Lord, my Creator and my Maker; I want to thank you for my sisters that have come forth with their stories. May they know that You are standing firm with them. May the hurt subside and their stories create the nucleus of change to multiply and multiply. I also want to take this moment to give my sincere apologies to women that I groped with my eyes. I am sorry. I stand here as a man able, willing and determined to apply the steps listed above in my everyday life. I love and I thank You my Lord 🙂  Amen.

(a 7 minute read) It is not typical to start with ‘me First’. I am here to share with you that ‘me First’ is actually the way to be. You may consider me to be quite selfish to say this, let alone try and orate it from the top of the mountain. Before you turn me off, please spend the next few minutes reading to see why ‘me First’ is a sound training!

I am a kind of person that loves to help, assist, give a hand, or support others. “Awwww, how sweet”, you may think or say. But this actually is a confession and not a boast. A confession because it is for a selfish reason that I did it; it gave me a rush a high if you may when I helped others. I am close to 55 and for the longest time in my life there would be a ‘let down’ shortly after the high, just like it is with any other rush a person experiences; the higher the high, the lower the low. Please know, that you can apply the ‘me First’ to this here, but this is not, I repeat, not the ‘me First’ I want to talk to you about; bear with me.

So the help, the assistance and the support, I did for me and not for this other person. I did it because I am lacking something. I did it because I am looking to fill a gap of sorts. I did it because I am trying to prove something. I did it not because I am full of peace and joy, but rather because I am seeking to be filled with peace and joy. But instead of peace and joy, I got a high or a rush…….. Still not a bad thing, but not the intended purpose……..

A short time ago, relative to my 55 years 🙂 , a teaching became clear to me. It is a teaching as old as dirt; “Love your ………. as you Love ………..”  Venture to fill in the blanks!? Leviticus 19:18 as well as other verses

Therefore, the loving of me has to come first in order for the action towards others to be genuinely love!!

To love oneself is not easy, it is actually, in my opinion, one of the hardest things to do. Who’s ever been taught to love oneself? How do you even begin? How do you do it? You may think that I am referring to self-help books, but actually I am not. I’ll share with you in a minute what I am referring to.

It is a life long training and practice. Why? Cause it ain’t easy and it ain’t natural, but very doable and very fulfilling, as the result of the continual practice is to continue to sense peace and sense joy.

So ‘me First’ is all about me to learn about me, to know about me. What makes me tick, what gets me high and what gets me low.  The more I continue to learn about myself, and it is a lifelong process, the more I will get to recognize that I am miniscule. Miniscule, in a good way. You may say, “Come again!” I said, I am miniscule but ‘miniscule’ in a good way.

One that realizes that the world is not about me, that expectations end with disappointment, and disappointment hurts and many a time REALLY hurt so much it can ruin a life. One that understands that contentment is fulfilling while ‘to want’ is a bottomless pit. One that comprehends that what’s happened and what’s to happen create nothing but worry, and it is only living in the present that is filled with the Lord’s presence.  Yes indeed, living in the present ONLY is pretty tough, and that’s why it is a never ending practice that one does not attain, but rather always strive for.

Therefore, the selfishness in ‘me First’ is so that me is filled with Peace and Joy, so the next time I help someone it is for their sake and not for my sake…….

Then and only then, the selfishness in ‘me First’ becomes selflessness.

The more miniscule the more humble, and then the more I can accept and love me more.

Here are some ABC’s on how to start, and none of them is new or is a revelation, none;

So please go ahead; focus on yourself and get to know you more and more. Set the bar for you, and for others, a bit lower so the disappointments get less and less until they vanish.

Every time you I something, STOP, ask how much I really need it, instead, think of what I already have with thankfulness and gratitude, no matter how little it is that one has or possesses. Whether you end up buying it or not, is not the measure 🙂  Just practice. Slowly, contentment, bit by bit, will seep into your heart, and I hope that someday it’ll overtake my heart. But I need to remember, it is a lifelong practice.

Every time I think to myself, “he/she should have ……….”, I first need to ask myself, “What is it that I can do next time to ……….”

Live in the present, for that’s where our Lord’s presence is……………….. and right there in this Presence, there is no fear, there is no anxiety and there is no apprehension.

I come to you my Lord thankful for all that you make clear. I pray and I ask that these words right here be a lesson to me, to hold close and to practice, for Your Peace and Your Joy are what I selfishly seek. I thank and I love you 🙂   Amen.

(a 3 minute read) Not too long ago, every single person that practiced Christianity did two simple things as part of their expression of faith. One is ‘Crossing oneself’; that is to make the sign of the cross on one’s body to display reverence. Two is always included the ‘Lord’s Prayer’, every time one prayed. Why? Because Jesus said, “When you pray……”

On Oct 31 we celebrated ‘Reformation Day’, 500 years since Martin Luther pretty much changed the face of Christianity. Please know this is not about the Reformation, rather about simple human behavior, so please stick with me for a minute, three minutes actually 🙂

Joseph, a Catholic, heard the preaching of Martin Luther and was amazed. For the first time Joseph felt he could actually be filled with the understanding, the knowledge and sense a relationship with God like never before. What a fantastic experience. Joseph started attending a gathering of people that are like minded. He found himself in the same exact church he’s been attending all his life, and with the same preacher at the pulpit. It so happened that many of the people in his town were like minded. What a wonderful thing, right? No change in community, no hassle of finding a new church. Life was just grand.

One day Joseph entered his church, and as accustomed all his life, he half kneeled and started crossing himself as an expression of reverence. This time though, he sensed an arm grab his and halt his action. Shocked he looked up only to see it was his best friend Mark. They both walked out for a moment. “What’s the matter?” Joseph inquired. Mark almost whispering proclaimed, “You do not want people to think you are a Catholic. We do not do this crossing thing anymore. There are some things we do differently to differentiate from Catholics. Have you not noticed? The preacher no longer uses the Lord’s prayer much lately.” Joseph’s eyes widened with a smile, “I get it, yes, yes of course, we need to illustrate that we are indeed different.”

Today, in 2017, we have 1.5 Billion Orthodox & Catholic Christians that still cross themselves and use the Lord’s Prayer daily, while we have 900 Million Protestant Christians that do not use these expressions of faith. Therefore this fictional story of Joseph and Mark above is not too farfetched at all.

Sadly, also on Oct 31, 2017 a heinous, cowardice and detestable act of terrorism occurred at my beloved city of NY. Innocent people lost their lives at the hands of one deranged terrorist. My heart and prayers go out to all those affected.

I do not want to see our human behavior marginalize a humble & reverent expression like crossing oneself, or sideline the use of something as inspiring as the Lord’s Prayer, hence this plea to you and you;

The phrase Allah Akbar is NOT a terrorist call even though terrorists use it. As a native speaker of the Arabic language, Allah Akbar is simply ‘God is Great’. And if I say ‘God is Great’ you say…. ‘All the time’. ( Hi Larry 🙂 )  Here’s a list of ‘God is Great’ in several languages;

God is great

Dieu est grand

Dios es grande

Gott ist großartig

الله أكبر

לוהים גדול

भगवान महान है

Tuhan itu hebat

Gud er stor

God is Great

The use of God, Dieu, Dios, Allah, Elohim does not make it different, it is simply a translation……

Terrorists may kill us, but let us not allow them to hijack a beautiful phrase like Allah Akbar – God is Great.

My God, my Father, my Lord and my Creator, I hope and I lift up a prayer that somehow some way and in some fashion these people that commit these heinous acts of terror come to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are in no way shape or form serving You, and therefore STOP these acts committed in Your name. Amen.

(a 3 minute read) The master-scene on this magnificent ancient Egyptian wall is that of judgement day. There is a large balance, and the Judge is weighing a feather in one pan against a heart in the opposite pan. If the heart is lighter than the feather, then this person attains the afterlife.

What a depiction. Can you think of anything lighter than a feather? Yet the heart needs to be lighter!

The ancient Egyptians mummified bodies after death. All organs were removed during mummification, but the heart was the only organ placed back into the mummified body. Why? Because the Judge needs to weigh it against the feather of truth during the Judgement.

What heart can be lighter than a feather!

Who in their lifetime would not have done one thing, just one thing that makes the pan with their heart not tip down the balance!?

In these master scenes, there is an ugly beast awaiting the heart to tip down, and as soon as that heart dipped down, the demon jumps, devours and consumes that heart, and the hope for the afterlife simply vanishes.

Yet the ancient Egyptians, every time, depicted in their master scenes that the heart was always lighter than the feather!!

What did they know? What did they allude to? What are they trying to reveal?

Could it be that the feather symboligy is saying;

• The Judge is proving that it is not really about how much good vs. bad in your life
• The Judge is attesting that it is not really what you’ve done or did not do
• The Judge is saying; in spite of ALL you’ve done it is all wiped away

And why is the Judge wiping the slate clean? For that’s the only way you’d attain the afterlife, otherwise you are not worthy, and as no one is worthy, the Judge demonstrates GRACE.

And that my friend is what the ancient Egyptians depicted on their walls about Judgement day with the heart always lighter than the feather. The ancient Egyptians!!

Now some may start wondering the extent of that Grace and ask; “Who or what deserves the Grace of the Judge and who or what does not?” Hmmmm, if only I would focus on me and not on another…….

My God, my Lord and my Creator, i thank you for ALL the Grace You bestow upon me, over and over again. May my mind only focus on thanks to You for such Grace, and may i never wonder who else may or may not deserve Your Grace. Thank You and Amen.

(a 4 minute read) Kacey was pondering how to show gratitude and appreciation to Ashton upon leaving the company. You see Ashton has been such an encouragement to Kacey. Kacey had quite some years over Ashton, yet it was the young one that taught the older one much about life.

Kacey worked with Ashton at a car assembly factory. Kacey was the supervisor of the ‘Genius’ department. That’s what they called the area where a car was brought when it failed Quality Control (QC). Kacey’s team figured out the problems so that the car would pass QC and leave the factory. Kacey had to work on the tough tough cases.

It was clear to Kacey that Ashton, although young at age, stood out and was just a unique individual; One of those people that everyone felt at ease with, as well as proved to be kind, giving and loving. Ashton would definitely go out of the way to help others. Ashton was a mensch; a person of integrity and honor.

It so happened that Ashton ended up assisting Kacey on many of those tough QC problems. Ashton never shied from offering opinions. Kacey admired that so much. Every once in a while, when the problem was quite difficult to figure out, and Kacey was almost at the end of the line and about to give up, Ashton’s voice came across loud and clear,

“You got this!”

It wasn’t just the words but more so the way they came out. They exuded faith and overflowed with belief in the person they’re coming at.

Kacey would look up at Ashton, and Ashton with an affirming smile and an encouraging tone would repeat, “You got this.” Somehow, that would just bring peace to Kacey, and allowed the thought process to be disentangled and Kacey was able to have this new energy to rethink it through and arrive at the solution.

Kacey decided to write a letter of appreciation and thanks to Ashton. Although words could never convey the way Ashton’s encouragement meant, Kacey wanted to make sure that Ashton would continually offer such encouragement to all those that cross Ashton’s path, as it is a blessing beyond description. The letter included many of the sentences Ashton used like, “You got this”. Another one that always made Kacey’s heart smile was, “slow down kid”. In spite of the age difference, it came out of Ashton’s mouth indeed as if Kacey was the young one and Ashton was the old one. Kacey always thought, “One thing for sure, Ashton is the wiser one.”

Kacey was also hoping that the letter would encourage Ashton to use these sentences and this encouragement internally. The best thing is when one encourages oneself and believes in oneself, as that impacts others exponentially.

It was a bit later after Ashton had left the factory, that Kacey was facing quite a challenging problem, and was getting quite frustrated and does not know what to do. All of a sudden Kacey heard “Slow down kid….. You got this!”. The words were almost audible causing Kacey to look around for the source. Kacey could have sworn that Ashton was in the room, but there was no one there.

Kacey concluded that God allowed Ashton’s words to demonstrate that the Lord and Creator is always, always, always saying these words to us. We typically look for the Lord to point us in a certain direction and we feel that we’re not getting a clear signal. Meanwhile the Creator is sending the clearest signal of all as the Lord is always, always, always saying, “Slow down kid………. You got this ………… as I the Maker am always with you.”

Kacey concluded the letter saying, “I thank God for allowing my path cross yours Ashton. Thank you.”

(3 minute read)  Andy was having lunch with his dear friend Ron. They were bringing up people that have left an impression upon them. Ron recalled a young man Tim. Tim’s parents brought him to Ron in the hopes that a positive influence would help him. You see, Tim was a druggie and was under the influence more than he was not. Tim’s parents wanted Tim to be like a normal person; finish his education, get a good job, someday marry and have children, you know, a normal life.

Ron found Tim to be a delightful young man; had a smile that was very charismatic. When he spoke, he caught your attention pretty easily. Tim shared that he did not see anything wrong with his lifestyle, and Ron impressed upon him that the Lord has other plans for him that would impact others, rather than live a life solely focused on one’s self.

Ron was a bit disappointed as Tim, feeling highly pressured by his parents to conform, left town on a hitch hiking expedition.

Whenever Ron would ask about Tim, his parents would say something like, “last time we heard, Tim was in Thailand.” The next time it would be, “Last time we heard, Tim was in Spain.” Tim was truly trolling the globe.

Three years had passed, and Ron heard that Tim was home visiting his parents. Ron wasted no time and he immediately called and asked if Tim would meet him for lunch.

When Ron saw Tim walk through the restaurant doors, he knew something was different about him. Something you cannot explain in words. It was the radiance coming from his eyes, face and smile. He was even much more charismatic than Ron had remembered.

As soon as Tim sat down, Ron excitedly asked, “What’s different about you? I can see it in your face but cannot put my finger on it.”

Tim’s laughter caused almost every single person in the restaurant to stop what they were doing and look in the direction of that laughter. It is as if, each single individual wanted to say;

“I       want        to     laugh           like           this.”

Tim’s answer was simple, “I found the Lord.”

Ron’s gut response was, “So you are settled down and all? Like with a job and maybe starting a family?”

Tim’s infectious, kind and loving smile already answered Ron, but Tim went on to explain;

It is amazing how people always think that a ‘normal life’ is what has been and probably always will be prescribed by society everywhere you go. No, I am still trolling the globe, me and my Creator. I have conversations with the Maker; like true conversations man.

As I travel and meet people, somehow they drop their defenses, maybe because of the style of life that I carry, and may be for some other reason, I do not know. All I know is that they are just themselves, no pretenses, and no walls erected. We talk about the Creator, Lord and Maker. When they leave, it seems to me that they will look more into finding the Lord and learning more. But I never know if they do or do not, as my function is to just plant the seed, and the rest is not for me to think or worry about.

Ron feeling empathy for Tim asked, “Does it get lonely although you are always surrounded by people?” Yes, was the answer but Tim added, “All I need to say is ‘Hey Lord’ and we carry our conversation from where we last left it off.”  🙂

(a 3 minute read)  “It is very difficult for me to fathom this, this made in the image of the Creator!” was Kaden’s frustrated remark as the discussion with Jade was sort of heating up. Kaden continued with hands flailing in the air, “Especially when a woman and a man are made in the same image, well, they are different, so how can it be that they both are in the image of the Creator“.

Jade knew that this is indeed a tough nut to crack, and not that Jade can crack it, but for the benefit of a good friend like Kaden, Jade had to give it the best effort in trying to explain it.

Jade calmingly and with the best loving tone said, “I know, I know this is tough to comprehend, but here’s how I’ve heard it explained once, and it did help me, so here it goes.”

Jade started to describe a phenomenon, “ You know that at the tip of South Africa, you are looking at a vast body of water, and it so happens that if you look to the left you are looking at the Indian Ocean, and if you look to the right you are looking at the Atlantic Ocean.  The same is true at the tip of South America for the Atlantic and the Pacific.” Jade paused for a moment with fingers ferociously pumping on the phone screen. Kaden was getting impatient, “And your point is?”

Jade while still scrolling and typing said, “If you were standing at the tip of either continent, do you think you’d be able to visually distinguish between the oceans?”

Kaden’s eyes started to grow wider, “I’d say no you cannot, but by the looks of you, something’s about to unfold. But even if you can, it has to be pretttttttty sutble.”

Jade turned her phone towards Kaden and said, “Yeap……….. pretty subtle.”

You could catch Kaden’s bottom jaw as it dropped to the floor.

Jade continued the allegory;

If you dip a cup into the blue side and a cup into the green side and look at them in the cups, you would see that there is no difference between them, as they are literally identical when scooped into a cup.  Yet this picture is perfect proof that they are indeed different otherwise they’d mix and not delineate as seen to the naked eye.

So they are the same yet different.

You can throw into the mix water from a River, water from a Stream, water from a well and so on, and apply to race and color and all that jazz. THE SAME yet appear different.

So you see, a drop of water possess all of the characteristics of an ocean, so they are the same, yet the ocean is quite different from a drop.

Similarly, you and I have all the characteristics of the Creator and male and female are made in the same image.

May the beauty of this creation around us open our eyes to the grandeur, magnificence and LOVE of our creator. It is all in front of our eyes, we just need to see it.

(a 3 minute read) Mark’s dad is on his last days. Mark and his brother Roy loved their dad. Always looked up to him, and continually yearned to learn from him. Dad sat with them probably for the last time to go over a letter he prepared for them.

Dad said lovingly, “This letter contains pretty much everything I have taught you over the years. And as he handed a copy to each, he asked, “What will you do with this letter?”

Roy jumped in quickly and with much excitement declared, “I will read and conform to all that it has in it. Actually, since it seems like a paper or two, I will make copies and keep them handy at work and at home. If something comes up, I’ll consult it before I render a decision or take an action. That’s what I will do.”

As brothers go, Mark was about to respond to his brother, but dad jumped in and said, “What will you do with it Mark?”

Mark began, “I will take this letter and of course read it. I am sure it will bring me memories of you, memories of things we’ve done together, of us laughing together, of you mad at me for things I’ve done and of you proud of me for things I’ve said or done. Then I will stow it away. Every once in a while I’ll pull that letter and read it again for a flood of memories. Then stow it away again, kind of like a treasure.”

Dad locked eyes with Roy and smiled lovingly, then locked eyes with Mark and smiled lovingly, and said, “Please open your letters, they are identical.”

Both Mark and Roy had a bewildered look on their faces when they opened the letter and with astonished gazes to each other their tongues were tied.

Dad commenced, “My dear Roy, what delight to me to hear that you’d follow the letter to the letter. Yet somehow I feel sad for you as you’d be depriving yourself of what I’ve taught you most. Even God had the angels to follow the letter to the letter, no questions asked, for Angles simply obey. Yet, God felt the need to create humanity with their freedom to make choices, hence to make mistakes.”

“And to you my dear Mark, those memories are for sure wonderful and full of love, sentiment and passion, and it brings me joy that you will hold this letter as a treasure, it makes my heart so very happy. Yet, I hope that along with these emotions the memories of the ‘why’ we did the things we did together, would make you wanna jump, delve, plow, explore and nurture the things you will choose to do, so that you are doing them with purpose and with joy, delight, bliss and even ecstasy .”

Dad continued, “You may think that the words to ‘keep’ and to ‘obey’ are synonymous, but I tell you there is a world of difference between them.”

Dad hoped that the few words on the otherwise blank page of the letter will make sense to his children;

“Act, but in every act be it out of love and of want
and not out of fear or trepidation”

(5 minute read)    Oh how beautiful it is, the Soul. It is something neither I nor anyone truly knows What it is or How it is or Where it is! One thing we all do seem to agree on, regardless of faith, and that is; One’s Soul is Within, One’s Soul leaves when one dies, and One’s Soul goes elsewhere in the thereafter.

Although we all agree that the Soul is within and that the Soul departs at death, if you ask someone, “When does the Soul enter the body?” Oh, you may get a thousand answers.

Please understand this is not asking when does LIFE begin! This is strictly about the portion of us that we term ‘SOUL’. Life is a whole different matter, for would you term a seed ‘alive’ since it is capable of growth? Or would you term a seed ‘dead’? And that’s that.

Does the Soul enter in the 2 cell zygote?? Or is it in the 64 cell formation?? Is it when the body is formed?? Or Is it when the heart starts beating??    No one knows and no one dares.    For we simply have no clue about this ‘Soul’.

But how can we talk so earnestly and so definitely about what happens in the thereafter, and let’s remember that we all agree that it is the Soul that is in the thereafter, yet………… we have no clue about the Soul itself. How can we my dearests;    How can we?

So you may be laughing to yourself right now and saying, “So you’re going to tell me now?”

Honestly, I just busted out laughing right now, literally. I do not know any more than you do, but here’s what I have swirling in my mind;

Adam was created from dust then God breathed into his nostrils. Eve was created similarly.

A baby comes out of the womb, and it must breath in air, else it dies.

A person takes their last breath and then the ‘soul’ leaves.

It cannot be simpler to me than these sentences.

The air is the Lord’s breath sustaining you.

We aspire, desire and yearn for ways to know that the Creator is with us……….. Really??  How many times have you and I been told to look around you, as the Lord is there? How about every time you want to feel the Maker just hold your breath. When you’re about to faint, take in a huge breath and say out loud, “there You are my Lord!”

This is not about what is the soul, or where is the soul, or how is the soul? For we have no clue whatsoever. The only time we really ponder about the soul is when we ponder about the thereafter. Let’s just leave that to then. Instead let’s focus, concentrate and dedicate to the here and now, for the Lord is in the here and now, why do we insist in making the Creator about the thereafter?? WHY?

It is time for me and you, and this is not new at all, to use this natural breathing! It happens 12-18 times per minute….. per minute. Let’s experience the Lord within me and within you!? To experience the Creator through marveling at the creation of this body, just once every hour? That’s to use one of the 300 breaths per hour to recognize the Originator. Once I am full of marveling at the creation of this body, then I can start to comprehend the magnificence of the rest of the Creation around me……

But mostly, use this breath to thank my Lord my Creator and my Father for the constant reminder, for Your perpetual presence, for Your non-relenting token of Your insistent ‘I AM’ with you, and for Your unending, everlasting and eternal You-ness.

For what is further proof that the Majestic Creator is within each person regardless of creed, faith, color, form or attribute than to see that they, just like me, breath in and breath out. The Lord is with them just as much as the Lord is with me. You are my soul my Creator.

(a 7 minute read)  Harley was astonished when Adrian excitedly said, “You will never guess what happened to me when I was about to open a porn site!” Adrian said it as if someone was saying “I won tickets to the Super bowl!”  Harley could not help but smile audibly, if you know what I mean, and said, “What did happen Adrian…… as you…..were about……… to open……… a….….. porn……… site?”

Adrian periodically confided in Harley about something many shy to talk about, pornography. This was not the first time Harley would patiently listen to Adrian sharing the struggles associated with the knowledge of “this is something I need to stop,” and the “here I am failing again.” This is a common feeling for us all, as at one point or another, we promise ourselves to stop ‘this or that’ and we cataclysmically fail.

Adrian continued to explain to Harley, that as the fingers are slowly typing the address of a porn site, there is always this struggle of, “I should not do it.” “Just walk away.” “It is my mind controlling this….. Walk Away.” Even faith rationale; “I know that you God are with me at this moment. I should honor You.” Even this did not bring any fruition.

Harley urged Adrian, “Stop beating around the bush. You have told me all these before. Obviously something new and exciting is in there, so out with it now, Adrian!”

Adrian took a deep breath, let a moment go by and began; “I have been online doing work. Walked out and made sure I am completely alone. Then I start typing the address of a porn website. As I am typing, I am going through all the reasons that my fingers should stop, yet them fingers continue typing. Epic fail again, right? Wouldn’t you know it, I press enter and the system is clocking for 20 seconds or so then a page pops up ‘Error Cannot Find Page.’ I was like no way no how. I know these addresses too well. And even with a typo, some page pops up and not an ‘error’ page.”

Adrian apparently had stopped too long because Harley eagerly jumped in, “Then what? Get to the point!”

Adrian sighed heavily, “Patience my dear.” What happened was so touching that Adrian was reliving that experience. “I looked at my signal bars and there was a red ‘X’ on them. I thought my wireless had gone out, only to realize that I am not on wireless, rather I am connected to the internet via a cable …….”

Harley’s excitement now was like 10 folds, “so you realized that you are not meant to get on, and that was your cue to shut it off?”

“I wish my dear Harley, I wish… then I would have defeated it at least for once,” were the words that came out of Adrian’s mouth with such a despairing and broken tone…….. “, then continued, “I actually said to myself, Oh that’s God. God is sending me a sign. It’s a miracle……!” Instead of that elation and  joy taking over me and walking away and praying or something, I found myself moving the mouse to the ‘restart’ icon to get another chance at a connection………….”

Harley now pretty much pissed off at Adrian, “I do not understand your excitement at the beginning. It was like you’ve discovered sliced bread or something! What gives?”

“It’s what comes next Harley, it’s what comes next.” Adrian’s mood just returned to this jubilee infectious delightful mood.

Adrian carried on, “Of course there was this remorse, this shame, this dishonor that I typically feel for days; literally for days. But in the morning, as I am driving to work, I saw this cloud that looked like a smile, and I thought to myself, who’s smiling at me? I kid you not Harley, my whole being shivered and I know that I know that it was the Lord reassuring me that I am still held in the palms of the Creator’s hands!”

“I pulled over to the shoulder, instead of feeling guilty and crying or something, I found myself step out of my car and in sheer delight and glee jump up and down and say out loud ‘It was You indeed yesterday, it was You……!’ I was beside myself my dear Harley, beside myself.”

Harley utterly confused and with a tilted head said, “So never again for the porn sites??”

“You are missing the point Harley! Of course I will try my damnedest not to visit them sites, but do you realize what the Lord has just demonstrated to me?”

Harley not too sympathetic said, “Grace?”

Adrian still fired up continued, “In my complete and utmost arrogance when I pretty much ignored the presence of the Lord, instead of leaving me stew in my self-pity, the Master and Creator offers me an olive branch. Not me groveling, and begging. Not me pleading and supplicating. No. The Lord kisses me on my forehead and whispers, ‘I got you.’ That’s what my Lord and my God, my Creator and Maker demonstrated to me. Whether people call it Forgiveness, Grace, White Page, Mercy, Compassion, Clemency, Kindness, Leniency, etc. I feel that without describing this whole episode, single words just don’t cut it for me, if you know what I mean, they don’t convey and express the experience of this, whatever it is you want to call it. That’s not to say I will intentionally misbehave to experience the Lord, rather I hope to capitalize on this experience and harness it. Not that I do not forget it, rather so that I can relive it and relive it and relive it.”

My Lord, my God, and my Creator; You know me better than I know myself. I know I will err if not in one direction then in the other, yet You are always You and You are always there catching me as I fall. May I experience You more and more, so that i am less and less and therefore i dwell with You more and more. i love you 🙂